limay is dead

owen had their field trip to a pet shop yesterday. i gave him money as advised by their teacher for something he might wanted to buy inside.

he was so excited last night when i came home showing me what he bought. a FISH! a gold fish. i noticed the stomach was already big, i knew right away that it was overfed. he and rinoa might have enjoyed putting the flakes the whole day. poor fish, i knew it's not going to live another day.

owen upset voice was waking me up this morning. i knew it. "limay" is dead. owen named it after their ate lita and maykee.

owen and rinoa experienced it for the second time. the first time, the fishes amazingly lived for almost two weeks in a small bowl (fishes that i bought very cheap along the road). they were also upset that time but i told them they were already old so we cannot stop them from dying. i bet they forgot what i told them before. owen was asking me this morning why his fish died. i told him that it ate too much, and it became ill then died. sigh, thanks that there was no follow up question. bakit nga ba mga goldfish can't stop eating when  they're already full? they just keep going 'til they become ill and eventually die.:D

but kids are pretty amazing, they have this ability to bounce back from everything. just get through an hour or two. give them something else to get busy and they forget all about it.

comparing lives

i came across this reading online "Why play in someone else’s garden when you’ve got a great one of your own? " made me ponder.

i sometimes too have those moments.
is it bad comparing lives? is it bad that sometimes you also think of what might have been, and those what if's? i think it's healthy that at least your mind is working up, but mind you, this is also depressing and once you started, the important thing is that you learn to come out of it before it sucked you even deeper.

i am pretty much content with what i have and the blessings that i am receiving right now. i am grateful that i have what i need, good health, a loving family and good people that surrounds me. there are times though that it still cross my mind of wanting more, and wishing of something to do that will make myself more fulfilling.

this petty thoughts kicks in when i get sad and frustrated with my H, when i get sick of repetitive things, when i get tired of idle times and being unproductive.  i think of my friends, batchmates, workmates before who are at the moment at the peak of their career, doing the things i love doing, and those who bravely faced the challenge of a bigger world alone.  i think, maybe (just maybe), i am very fulfilled and happier if i am to be in their shoes.  i would have ended to the same place if i made different decisions in life.

i think it is normal to feel this way.  then i snap myself up. worried that my sadness will turned into bitterness, and that, that is unhealthy. i remind myself that i am in the situation i am right now because of the decisions i've made and also opportunities that have come along my way. i remember good things that i experienced and blessings i have now.  then it changes my perspective.

like, i hate it when my H is so busy that he don't have enough time to spend with us, when he doesn't remember the words i say most of the times.  i hate it when my work gets complicated that i have to be in the office at most days when i am supposedly picking up my kids from school.  i get stressed and so i shift perspectives.  My H is managing a thousand number of employees and this keep him busy, thinking of his own stress...give me enough to forgive him...a job that fuel our kids future.  i am thankful that somebody valued my services, i am thankful that i am able to use my skills and have an opportunity to widen my knowledge at the same time. i am thankful that i got a job that not only helps me support my personal and my kids needs but give me own right to my sched that give me privilege of spending more time with my kids. after thinking this, then it's not heavy as i previously perceived it.

sometimes we are so blinded with our emotions at the moment that we lose sight of the good things we've got going to ourselves.  perhaps others lives are really happier and fulfilling. or maybe it is not as happier as we think it is.  whatever situation we are, it might not be as bad as  we think.  appreciate what we have. be thankful. then, we can live happy!

eating meal alone

i hate eating my meal alone...
i say meal, when it is breakfast, lunch and dinner.
i don't mind eating alone in public but not the main meal of the day as much as possible. i feel uncomfortable each time, if i'm not that really hungry i would rather just order soda/coffee and read away mealtime (on the net) or have it to go and eat it while walking. not that i am self-conscious, i know other people are more interested in themselves and what is going on at their own table to pay much attention on what is happening at mine, unless of course i do something to get their attention.:D i am like that even at home, when i don't have someone to share the table with (my kids or babysitters) i would instead eat snacks (junk food, cookies or any chicha that i could find) in front of the tv or if there is none, i'll make myself hungry and wait for H to come home. the latter seldom happens because most of the time i do the first then wait not hungry!:D my figure cant deny it!

anyways...
maybe i am not alone feeling awkward or uncomfortable eating alone.
for me my reason is, i consider mealtime the very important hour of my day.
truthfully speaking, me and my husband in our 12 years of being together...dining together are only the times that we can communicate properly, talk about plans in life, tell how each others day went, and happenings about our kids. it seems to be the focused hour of the day. outside the table we hardly get each others attention.

i remember even in my college days, i cant get myself sit in the canteen to eat alone. i would find someone first or i'll just buy something and eat while walking. i am used to talking and having conversation while dining. to those friends i dine with most of the time, they can tell that i talk a lot but still can eat well and even tagged to be "the finisher".:P

so i really hate when it happens. like for tonight i starved myself all day expecting to have a nice dinner with my H, but suddenly he is unable to join me due to a meeting. thankful that the insurance agent (processing QQ's claim) stayed and chat with me until i finished my dinner.

wasting time or practicing patience

 we've (w/ kiddos) started this 1k puzzle last week. i planned to finish it on that long weekend since normally it took me only 4 days at most for a 1k pieces. sunday afternoon, we are done with the images then we're stuck on the clouds! i knew it will be the hardest part, the other reason why i bought...the challenge of it. but until today we are still doing it. we (more of i alone) wasted the whole day for it. my kids was like "mommy it's so hard, we are doing it very long...buy new one". with some irritations at times. but i told Owen (he is more into it than Rinoa) "patience kuya, patience...we can finish it" then he answered "what is patience mommy?". i told him "doing it and finding the next piece w/o getting angry...patience, patience!" and after that, he was mumbling "patience, patience where are you?" made me laughed! i thought i didn't waste my day after all. i taught my eldest the word patience and even practice it. ...practicing mine as well. sana nga lang hindi na umabot next weekend pa at matapos na siya!:)

leeches

had a meeting with a government officer this afternoon.

another intense work day for me.

thinking that finally i was able to close a bloody tax case gave me space to breath and enjoy more the privilege of working part time. confident enough that after we pay the person from inside, the whole thing will be taken care of. but it was the opposite, from the time the partial money landed on the hand of that person...notices starts coming in. trusting the person i talked with, it still didn't bother me "she is going to handle it" i assured myself and my boss as well. but after the full payment of the settlement money, another notice came in. it even more complicate the situation since the first person who issued the first notice was a different person issued the second one. at this time my full trust to that person we paid eventually shadowed with a suspicion. it made me start thinking of "just maybe" it is another way to get more money from us.

skipping the reason why we end up with a tax case. but the point is we are already trying to make the mistakes right. and finding a person who will help us and even open up the idea of not paying the supposedly penalties and interest of course made us happy. happy enough to pay the idea and effort to clear up the mess. to end up with a more complicated situation, that i never anticipated at the beginning.

i am just too sad that not always that you can get positive results from trusting someone. you can never know that other party value the word "trust" as much as you value it. it is always a risk to be taken and just wait until the end for the result.

sad that leeches in our government agency are that thick faced. finding out that the other person issued the notice was not really in-charge in our case and just want to get some money from our company is so upsetting. imagine the situation that not only one, two but three are planning to leech in our company? my boss is an American, he is not very impress with our government people to begin with, how much more now that he personally experienced it.

i cannot just tolerate what is happening when i am very sure that they are only trying to it for their personal pocket. i advised my boss to not release anymore money. if it cannot be fix with the money we are already paid, then we go face the worse scenario of closing the company. and true enough, my thinking is correct! they only want more money. telling them that we would rather close the company than to pay what they are asking made (w/c is excessively too much) get some part canceled and a chance to still lower it down. but the amount will still going to be certain on monday.(....they still need to do some meeting first.:D )

Mother's Day at my Kiddos School 2010

***more pictures here***

Paref Southdale Mother's Day

He's Five!

from decorating his cake at home, to painting, and finally his awaited school celebration...

hindi nakalusot si mommy kahit na holiday on his bday...may list of things to bring na siya on his school party daw.:)

***more pictures here***