comparing lives

i came across this reading online "Why play in someone else’s garden when you’ve got a great one of your own? " made me ponder.

i sometimes too have those moments.
is it bad comparing lives? is it bad that sometimes you also think of what might have been, and those what if's? i think it's healthy that at least your mind is working up, but mind you, this is also depressing and once you started, the important thing is that you learn to come out of it before it sucked you even deeper.

i am pretty much content with what i have and the blessings that i am receiving right now. i am grateful that i have what i need, good health, a loving family and good people that surrounds me. there are times though that it still cross my mind of wanting more, and wishing of something to do that will make myself more fulfilling.

this petty thoughts kicks in when i get sad and frustrated with my H, when i get sick of repetitive things, when i get tired of idle times and being unproductive.  i think of my friends, batchmates, workmates before who are at the moment at the peak of their career, doing the things i love doing, and those who bravely faced the challenge of a bigger world alone.  i think, maybe (just maybe), i am very fulfilled and happier if i am to be in their shoes.  i would have ended to the same place if i made different decisions in life.

i think it is normal to feel this way.  then i snap myself up. worried that my sadness will turned into bitterness, and that, that is unhealthy. i remind myself that i am in the situation i am right now because of the decisions i've made and also opportunities that have come along my way. i remember good things that i experienced and blessings i have now.  then it changes my perspective.

like, i hate it when my H is so busy that he don't have enough time to spend with us, when he doesn't remember the words i say most of the times.  i hate it when my work gets complicated that i have to be in the office at most days when i am supposedly picking up my kids from school.  i get stressed and so i shift perspectives.  My H is managing a thousand number of employees and this keep him busy, thinking of his own stress...give me enough to forgive him...a job that fuel our kids future.  i am thankful that somebody valued my services, i am thankful that i am able to use my skills and have an opportunity to widen my knowledge at the same time. i am thankful that i got a job that not only helps me support my personal and my kids needs but give me own right to my sched that give me privilege of spending more time with my kids. after thinking this, then it's not heavy as i previously perceived it.

sometimes we are so blinded with our emotions at the moment that we lose sight of the good things we've got going to ourselves.  perhaps others lives are really happier and fulfilling. or maybe it is not as happier as we think it is.  whatever situation we are, it might not be as bad as  we think.  appreciate what we have. be thankful. then, we can live happy!

eating meal alone

i hate eating my meal alone...
i say meal, when it is breakfast, lunch and dinner.
i don't mind eating alone in public but not the main meal of the day as much as possible. i feel uncomfortable each time, if i'm not that really hungry i would rather just order soda/coffee and read away mealtime (on the net) or have it to go and eat it while walking. not that i am self-conscious, i know other people are more interested in themselves and what is going on at their own table to pay much attention on what is happening at mine, unless of course i do something to get their attention.:D i am like that even at home, when i don't have someone to share the table with (my kids or babysitters) i would instead eat snacks (junk food, cookies or any chicha that i could find) in front of the tv or if there is none, i'll make myself hungry and wait for H to come home. the latter seldom happens because most of the time i do the first then wait not hungry!:D my figure cant deny it!

anyways...
maybe i am not alone feeling awkward or uncomfortable eating alone.
for me my reason is, i consider mealtime the very important hour of my day.
truthfully speaking, me and my husband in our 12 years of being together...dining together are only the times that we can communicate properly, talk about plans in life, tell how each others day went, and happenings about our kids. it seems to be the focused hour of the day. outside the table we hardly get each others attention.

i remember even in my college days, i cant get myself sit in the canteen to eat alone. i would find someone first or i'll just buy something and eat while walking. i am used to talking and having conversation while dining. to those friends i dine with most of the time, they can tell that i talk a lot but still can eat well and even tagged to be "the finisher".:P

so i really hate when it happens. like for tonight i starved myself all day expecting to have a nice dinner with my H, but suddenly he is unable to join me due to a meeting. thankful that the insurance agent (processing QQ's claim) stayed and chat with me until i finished my dinner.

Blame it on Adam and Eve

After our lunch yesterday, we just opened up the topic about what would or should be a simple life but contented living. Bryan was talking about why he is disposing his other personal properties...his palm pilot and his cellphone. Limiting himself and stopping on anything that he thinks not so important. Just like hanging out  in the coffee house. He said before he was so addicted on that only to realized that it only required him to spend money. He said, he realized that everything was not worth it.  These are the reasons he said that is  why people has complicated life because of having all this earthly things.

This was started by Adam and Eve. Before Adam and Eve disobeyed God they "had it made." Life was very easy for them" in the garden of Eden. They were the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. But, they decided that they "knew better" than their Creator. Adam and Eve chose to rebel. And this how paradise is gone.

Contentment. Why cannot we be contented? This discontentent were rooted from Adam and Eve. We can have everything yet we crave for one thing we don't have. I think this is already a Human Nature. Human are not even content with abundance. We still have this continual wishing for everything. We are never contented.

So how can we have this "simple life and contented living"???